This past July I sat in a one-on-one coaching session at a writers’ conference.  This is how the session began:

Coach/mentor:  Hello, N. Ford, how can I help?

N. Ford: I know how effective social media can be for spreading the word about my novel, but it’s not the right choice for me right now. Can you offer coaching on how to best use my author website?  I’m sure I can be using it more effectively.

Coach/mentor:  You don’t use social media?

N. Ford: No.

Coach/mentor:  You need to start right away.

N. Ford: I understand the marketing value, but it’s not the right tool for me.  Can you help me use my website more effectively?

Coach/mentor:  No.

 N. Ford: No?

Coach/mentor:  No.  If you won’t use social media, you’re going to fail.  I won’t work with you. 

The session continued for another forty minutes and involved the coach/mentor deep-diving his own social media and showing me how it has worked for him.  I reminded him that I was looking for coaching on how best to use my website, but he couldn’t see past my choice.  To him, opting out of social media meant inevitable failure, and it was his job to talk me out of it.

I think we both left discouraged.

Him, shaking his head in disbelief and frustration that I wouldn’t see reason.  And me, feeling entirely unheard.

There’s a lot about this interaction that I could dissect for learning, but I want to talk specifically about the coach’s fixation on my choice not to use social media.

Let’s get one thing out of the way:  there is no questioning the marketing efficacy of social media.  It is, undoubtedly, a tremendous tool for such purposes.  Its reach is beyond anything I can achieve in person or by word of mouth.  But for me, that’s not the point.

Please understand, this is not an indictment on anyone who uses social media.  I’m glad if it works for you.  My choice not to use it speaks for me; not for you.  But I would still invite you to read these, my truths, and see if any of them hit a note inside your soul.

The truth is, I cannot use social media without comparing.

I can’t help but get the happy juices when people respond positively to my posts.

I can’t help but feel blue when they don’t.

I can’t help but glean a little validation from the ghosts behind the wall and when they’re absent, I notice.

I cannot separate social media from self-promotion.

Moreover, I don’t want to live life trying to capture every post-worthy moment for someone else’s affirmation.  I don’t want to seek validation from people I rarely, if ever, see in real life – or those whom I’ve never even met.

I don’t want to look at others’ posts and fight the thought that they may be living a more interesting life than mine.

I don’t want to feel like I have something to prove every second of every day to an audience who is sitting behind their devices thinking the same thing I am.  There is only One whom I am required to please and last I checked – He ain’t scrolling the feed.

It’s been over six years since I’ve interacted with social media and they’ve been the freest, most joy-filled years I have known.

I know that a social media platform means influence.

I know it means followers.

I know it means sales.

I know a social media platform is what publishers look for to qualify whether an author is worth investing in or not.  I know it means a big reach and a lot higher potential for a lot bigger pay day.

But from the beginning of this journey, I have felt convicted over the importance of this one phrase:

Soli Deo Gloria.

Literally translated it means ‘glory to God alone’.

This journey is not about me.

So when my coach/mentor excitedly urged, “YOU HAVE TO SELL YOURSELF!”

I could simply sit back, exhale, and softly smile at him.

“No, I don’t,” I said.  “This isn’t about me.”

That’s where our conversation ended – a true “T” in the road.

So, one more time with well-chosen, evocative chords in the background:

This is not about sales.  It’s not about how big I can build a following or how many people will like my post.  God gave me a story to write and I wrote it.   And He’s sold books for hundreds of years without the help of social media.  People have made friends for thousands of years without social media.  People have been relevant, changed the world, influenced others, saved lives, and shared their messages for thousands upon thousands of years, without the help of social media.

If you’re reading this and realizing that social media hurts you – your social, mental, emotional, or spiritual health, I invite you to set yourself free of it.   You are the ONLY one who can make that choice.  It is one of the healthiest decisions I have ever made, and I have never, never regretted it.

So, for now, my decision not to use it will not be moved.  It’s the right thing for me – and maybe it’s the right thing for you too.  And if you’re reading this and thinking this may be a good word for you, can I be the first person to tell you…

You don’t have to use it.   

Wait.  Read it again.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO USE IT.

Social media does not validate you.

It does not qualify you.

The ghosts behind the wall cannot give or take away your value – though they will try.  Yes, they will try.

My friend, what you consume on socials is majority fiction.  Fiction.  It is not real.

The pressure you feel to perform against other social posters; measure up to arbitrary levels of ‘success’ or popularity; or somehow portray a life more interesting than your neighbor’s is not at all a part of the abundant life God promised for you.

The only thing you will miss by opting out of socials, is wasting time consuming things that do not edify you.

If it’s you who needs to be set free, let this be your invitation.

Your permission.

Your freedom bell.

Whether I sell one book, or one million, I will do it in a way that honors the call that was placed on my heart…

Soli Deo Gloria.

And today, that means doing something that is so countercultural and so outrageous that I get to be told I will fail.

What a tremendous gift.