i’ve been thinking about what we think we must do and what, in reality, we must do.  the socially accepted norms we heed in order to feel relevant.  the things we consume (e.g. art, television, feeds, status updates, stories, etc.) so we ‘know’ what’s going on in the world.  the bloated calendars.  the striving to meet whatever expectations we, or our culture, have determined are necessary. 

when i consider life for what it is: birth, growth, love, relationship, belonging, purpose, work, refinement, death… i realize how little the rest matters.  the fiction we present so others can consume it.  the consumption of what others post.  the feeling that we have to keep up.  the unending striving to be noticed; accepted; promoted.  the desire for relevancy.  the desperation to ‘know’ what’s happening, to feel somehow ‘included’, to sweat for acceptance.  it’s so much energy to gain what we already have, and yet here’s what we trade for it…

we ignore wisdom because we’re in a rush, or have a thing, or want to get something done.  we push aside the joy of a child who just wants to engage with us because our faces are in our phones.  we miss edifying conversations because we sit next to each other consumed by television or a feed or TikTok.  we’ve come to the point where the most significant interaction we have with the people we say we love the most, is sharing a funny video/post we’ve discovered.  

ow. 

so often we decide not to invite people over because the house isn’t nice enough; there’s hardship we don’t want to expose; there’s a rift in the marriage or a hard child or something that doesn’t feel quite presentable – so we let presumed expectations be the author of our choices.  and we miss people, engagement, community, and growth and instead posit fiction to a watching audience.  and  then there’s that pecking need to have something interesting to post.   the expectations to look a certain way; present a certain story; position ourselves in a way that others find appealing. 

there’s so much we decide we must do that we do not have to do, at all. 

eight years ago i engaged with social media too.  i did the posting thing.  i felt the pressure to offer something noteworthy, likeable, shareable.  i watched for the responses.  i felt the expectation to keep it up – to be relevant and consumption worthy. 

socials are a relentless beast, requiring you to be worthy and denying you any relief from expectation.  they will not stop.  they are going nowhere.  they will pursue you, expect from you, and require from you every day you allow it. 

here’s the good news:  you don’t have to allow it. 

you do not have to meet the expectations from the machine.  let this truth settle into your soul…

you are already worthy. 

there is no social expectation you must meet. 

can you feel that? 

i want so much for you to be free from the lie that tells you you’re only worth something if you’ve met your social quota for the day.  there is nothing in that for you but chains. 

maybe a break from the machine may open your eyes to the person across the table.  maybe a little space could open your ears to the laughter of the child at your feet.  maybe a pause from the scroll will lift the brick from your chest and allow you the deepest breath you’ve breathed in a while. 

this project isn’t about convincing you to delete your accounts.  it’s only my objective to share the freedom i experience in living life free from socials.  and life. Unchained is life free of that odd, ever-present expectation to be something.  

you already are something. 

there’s nothing more for your striving. 

if you take nothing else from reading this, receive that. 

you are already something.  

and no social presence or lack of social presence will change that.  you owe the machine nothing.   

this is life without social media. 

this is life. Unchained. 

love, Nic