“We have been too blind to see, or too timid to speak out, or too self-satisfied to desire anything better than the poor average diet with which others appear satisfied.  To put it differently, we have accepted one another’s notions, copied one another’s lives, and made one another’s experiences the mode for our own.  And for a generation the trend has been downward.  Now we have reached a low place of sand and burnt wire grass and, worst of all, we have made the Word of Truth conform to our experience and accepted this low plane as the very pasture of the blessed.  It will require a determined heart and more than a little courage to wrench ourselves loose from the grip of our times and return to Biblical ways.  But it can be done.”  AW Tozer

It seems there’s much of life where we aren’t getting enough of what we need, or we’re overindulging in what we really don’t need.  We spend a lot of time in this space where things that do us a lot of good like rest, stillness, quiet, time without stimuli – they’re as dry as a desert floor.  And things we don’t need like television, 60-ounce sodas, cultural input, and social media-validations are our go-to moves.  They’re readily accessible and they soak up our time and attention in egregious amounts. 

We live much of our lives in either ‘not nearly enough’ or ‘way too much’. 

I wonder if it would be productive to take a few minutes to write it out.  What are you needing that you’re not getting, consuming, prioritizing, or doing enough; and what are you getting, consuming, prioritizing, or doing way too often?  I imagine every person’s list will look a little different, but it may be worth the time to write it down, and then share it with a few folks who will make for reciprocal and efficacious accountability. 

For the purpose of this project, I want to spend a little time exploring a few of these key areas where we are engaging ‘not nearly enough’ or ‘way too much’.  I call them the ‘droughts’ and ‘obsessions’ that impact our holistic wellness. 

DROUGHTS

Focus: 

In 2023, adults’ attention spans are reported to be less than eight seconds long.  This Forbes article states that this eight second window of attention is even less the average attention span of a goldfish!  The amounts of stimuli (noise, lights, smells, etc.), paired with the volume of distractions or ways to spend time, money, or energy (games, movies, socials, work, homework, etc.) is enough to turn our attentions on the turn of a dime.  Harvard Medical shares that things like consuming alcohol, not getting enough sleep or exercise, and information overload from the media, internet, news outlets, and socials, cloud our thinking and make it difficult for us to focus. 

Good news!  Those are things we can impact.  We may not be able to shut down news outlets (nor would we want to!), but we can turn off the television.  We may not be able to stop the social feed, but we can make the choice to take those apps off our phones.  We may not be able to shut down the internet, but we can make the choice to push that button on our devices that makes them take the daily nap they need.  And we can choose to get the exercise and sleep our bodies need (150 minutes of physical activity per week; 7-9 hours of sleep every night). 

Focus is a huge challenge in our current cultural context.  It’s something we face not only as individuals, but as organizations and collectives as well.  As we’ve discovered in every chapter of this project, we – you and I – are the only ones who can choose to make decisions that impact these outcomes. 

One final note on focus:  sometimes focus is a medical challenge in which physiological variations in the brain make focus extremely difficult.  For people struggling with this, these practical choices may help slightly in improving focus, but in the case of ADHD, ADD, or depression, medical consultation may be the place to start. 

Grit: 

This is that tough stuff.  It’s the callous on a well-worked carpenter’s hands.  It’s the ability to push through discomfort.  It’s the willingness to sweat and get dirty.  It’s the inward gumption to push forward after receiving the one thousandth ‘no’.  It’s the disposition that receives criticism and growth.  It’s the welcoming of hard truths.  It’s the willingness to stick with a project long after it’s stopped being fun.  It’s the inclination to do what’s hard to get what’s better. 

As a group, we don’t have a lot of grit.  There are spaces of grit, seasons of grit, sects of us that have grit (e.g. military, athletes, and perhaps the group I admire the most, stay-at-home moms!).  But in general, as a culture, we don’t do grit well. 

We like to be comfortable.  Remember the Idol of Comfort?  We seek pleasure, happy, and satisfied far more often than we seek discomfort, hunger, or longing.  Hopefully what we uncovered in the Idol of Comfort is that each of us has opportunities to develop grit, and maybe you were even able to identify ways to work on that practically.  What’s relevant here, is that grit, or the willingness to do what’s hard to get what’s better, may be something that needs to fall into your ‘not nearly enough’ category – but only you know that. 

If you decide you have the opportunity to develop a little more grit, it may be useful to determine in what area(s) you’d like it.  Do you need grit to stick with your projects?  Do you need grit to receive feedback?  Do you need grit to have more resilience?  Do you need it to get off the couch?  Do you need it to exercise more self-control around food?  Do you need it to delete your social apps?  Only you know.  Identify it, write it down, and get to it.    

Clarity:

Clarity, I believe, locks arms with our need for focus.  I think clarity is a by-product of focus.  Clarity leans on learnings from the Idol of Busy.  It requires us to stop and be still.  It requires us to listen.  It requires us, as my mom likes to say, to stop clamoring. 

When I get worked up about something, whether I’m excited or anxious or angry, I’ll ramble and talk quickly and unceasingly.  One of my close friends who has known me for over two decades will shout my name in order to shut me up.  It knocks me off the crazy train.  He shouts at me to silence me – because clarity comes with silence.

Clarity also comes with distance. 

Earlier this week I had the gift of working with prolific song writer, Gary Chapman, on a new project.  When we’d finished the song I said, “What now?”. 

Without thinking about it, he said very determinedly, “Now, we walk away.  We let it breathe.  We come back to it in a few days.” 

Clarity requires distance.  It requires the willingness to walk away and let something breathe.  It requires a release of our hands on the wheel and a relief of our energies at the throttle.  And these practices marry well with the ways we create more focus. 

Eliminate distractions.  Shut things off.  Silence the stimuli.  Rest.  Stop.  Breathe. 

Where are you as it relates to clarity?  Are you needing clarity for something?  Asking for clarity or direction?  Are you even aware of the level of clarity in your life? 

Clarity will provide direction.  It will help us cross off the things that haven’t earned our energies, or don’t need them at all.  Clarity will help us achieve fewer things, better.  Clarity will keep us trained on what we really want. 

So break out that list again.  For you, does clarity fall under ‘not nearly enough’ or ‘way too much’?  And what can you do about it? 

Why: 

When it comes to behavior change, I always ask people why they want to make the change they’re pursuing.  Not because I need to know, but because the person making the change does.  Understanding our own reasons for a goal is paramount to our success in achieving it. 

Often times I hear someone say something like, “I want to be healthy.”  Or “I want to be around for my grandkids.”  Or “I want to look good for the wedding, cruise, or reunion.”  Though these are all reasonable purposes for wanting to achieve a goal, I commonly observe that they aren’t very effective reasons. 

Just because it’s a good reason, doesn’t mean it’s an effective one. 

I think exploration can help.  If you think your reason for being more holistically healthy is because you want to be a great parent (which is a great reason!), test it for efficacy.  Tomorrow, when you have the choice to scroll your social feeds or actively engage with your kid, is ‘I want to be a great parent’ enough of a reason to help you make the choice you want to make? 

If you want to look fantastic for a coming wedding, is that a good enough reason to move you from the couch tonight? 

If you simply want to be healthy, is that a good enough reason to make you set and obey an alarm that tells you to go to bed at 10:00 PM every night, or drink your 80 ounces of water, or skip your nightly glasses of wine, or turn your computer off for an hour every day, or go for a walk after dinner? 

These are great reasons to want to make change.  But if being great isn’t enough to make you change your behavior at the moment of choice, they’re the wrong reasons.  Because they’re ineffective reasons. 

You are the one who can do the work to discover what reasons make you make change.  It has to matter to you.  It has to move you to discomfort.  It has to inspire you enough to choose differently than you did yesterday. 

OBSESSIONS

Comparison: 

Theodore Roosevelt is credited with saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

This is a profound statement for any context, but most especially when considered through the lens of our current cultural context.  And our relationship with technology has made it acutely truer. 

The comparison phenomenon happens in humans as soon as early childhood and can be observed when highly contented children are no longer content when they see another kid with something they don’t have.  The instinct to compare is built into our cellular walls. 

As discussed in the Idol of Validation, the use of social media has increased levels of depression and anxiety in its users, most especially users who are pre-adolescents or teenagers.  This is, in large part, due to the ability to instantly, and consistently, compare one life to another.  What others appear to have; who they seem to know; what level of success they appear to have; or how adoringly they are received by others informs how the consumer perceives his/her own life. 

And comparison isn’t just a one-way dead end.  It’s a dead end in both directions.  

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man.  What’s truly noble is being superior to your former self.”  Ernest Hemingway 

The truth about comparison, is that it doesn’t go just one way.  When we compare, we are not only measuring who may be ahead of us, but we’re also validating ourselves by who seems to be behind.  We can get some sort of sick satisfaction in knowing that we may not be at the front of the pack, but at least we’re not dead last either. 

When we would get caught in this bear trap as children, my parents would remind of us one foundational truth that is critical to the comparison game. 

There is only one right tool for comparison.  One standard of benchmarking.  Only one mark by which to measure ourselves, and it has nothing to do with where Sally, Damien, Katie, Bryan, or Raji are on the board. 

We have an audience of One.  Our one right standard by which to measure our progress or success or failure is the Word and the author of it. 

No one else matters, because on your final day and on mine, we are each going to have to account for what we did with our days here.  And that doesn’t have to do with anyone but each one of us and our Creator.  That is the conversation with which to concern ourselves.  That is the standard by which to compare and prepare ourselves.  That is the only one comparison that matters.  As much as we can do to stop with the ‘who has what’ game and get back to the truth that our objective is to love like Jesus, the freer we will be. 

Cultural Relevancy:

Cultural relevancy has always been an interesting topic to me.  As a teenager I had a friend who was obsessed with being relevant.  Every magazine edition, show that was on, hit song or music video that came up, fashion trend on the scene – she had to be the first one to know about it, and present it. She had more knowledge about celebrities, cosmetics, and pop culture than I had about every other topic combined. 

I know that there are certain advantages to being culturally relevant.  Because I watch very little television or movies and don’t participate in social media, there are occasions in which someone refer to something about which I have no idea.  I have sat around the lunch table at work while a group discussed the latest happenings of a show about which I am completely ignorant.  And though these things happen from time to time, I still don’t relate to the need to know them all.  I’m not sure it matters if someone saw the Grammy’s or not.  I don’t think implicates someone if they didn’t see that TikTok.  I don’t believe someone is missing out if they don’t’ know who won or lost the Bachelor. 

When we look at the world and consider all things that are happening from day-to-day, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if we took our efforts from being culturally relevant and put them toward volunteerism, or being engaged parents, or mindful friends, or learning a new hobby, or becoming healthier physically, or, or, or…

And yes, I know I’m hard on technology and social media, but nearly all of our connection to, and need for, cultural relevancy is rooted in these two things.

Let’s go back to the Idol of Validation and consider the question there:  why are we so desperate to be culturally relevant? 

I wonder what would happen if we prayed to be as thirsty for God’s approval as we are for the world’s. 

Inclusion: 

I know inclusion is a buzz word right now, and I won’t defame it for the purpose of this project, but I do have a few questions about our great obsession with being included.  I think it’s completely natural to want to be included.  And let me be clear, any people group being deliberately discluded for whatever reason, shouldn’t be.  Nothing productive or edifying comes from elitism. 

But I have to pause and wonder around what seems to be our great obsession with being included. 

I have niece who I admire greatly.  My sister likes to say she’s the ‘love me or leave me’ type.  This child could not care less if she has someone with whom to play.  If someone wants to play with her, great!  If not, great!  She’s going to do her thing either way.  She’s absolutely independent-minded.  So often I’ll watch all the kids play while she does something completely different.  She’s not pouting.  She’s not mad.  She’s just perfectly content to do what is interesting to her, regardless of anyone else.  We’ll look around and wonder where she’s gone and she’ll be outside in the backyard, on the play set, creating her own world from her own imagination.  She doesn’t need to be included.  She doesn’t require approval or acceptance. 

But that’s due to a few foundational truths that are critical to living as she does. 

She’s loved.  She knows she’s loved.  She’s accepted.  She knows she accepted.  She safe.  She knows she’s safe.  And because of all of those things, she’s free to be who she is, regardless of who’s standing next to her. 

I have to ask: if we were so bought-in to our foundational truths – the facts that we are loved; that we are accepted; and that we are safe in the arms of our Father – I wonder if we, too, could live a little less worried about whether or not we’re being included.  I think there’s a great freedom here for us if only we would choose to live in it.  And not out of non-conformist rebellious pride, but simply out of the deep peace and unmoving reassurance that we are deeply and profoundly loved and accepted by a God who died for us.  Is there any further evidence needed to know how truly loved we are? 

Take a look back at these droughts and obsessions and consider what you are getting that you really don’t need; and maybe what you need a little more often.  I am so far from having this all figured out, but breaking down these drought and obsessions is helping me see a little clearer what areas I need to work in over the next few months. 

And if I haven’t said it yet, I’m so thankful to be digging with you. 

Nic Ford